Journal Entry: Saturday, May 22, 2021 Happy Birthday to my dear husband, Paul Kwasniewski, who would be 74 years old today. I wish he were out here on the back porch sitting next to me. If he were still alive, we probably would have gone out to breakfast and planned to share dinner with the girls and Joe and his family. As it is, Em and I talked about sharing dinner while writing down the many quirky sayings he often used that reflected his great sense of humor and made us laugh, and all the more now in his absence. It has been more than four years since he left us. When people ask me how grief affects my life now, the best response I can offer is that the overall malaise that hovered like a dense cloud cover on an otherwise sunny day has lifted. But grief still comes…
Three crazy, wonderful days in New York
A year ago last week, my daughters and I flew to New York to spend what we thought would be three wonderful days in the Big Apple. Yes, it was a little crazy to think sight-seeing in the middle of winter was a good idea, but I was itching to get out of town after another holiday without Paul. So, when Elise suggested we go to New York to see the Broadway musical, Anastasia, I thought, why not? It was a chilly 20-something degrees when we arrived at LaGuardia the morning of January 3. We were already hearing reports of a winter storm headed our way, but we remained undaunted. At that moment, the sun was shining through blue skies, our hotel was in the heart of Manhattan, and we had tickets to see a highly acclaimed play that evening. We were anxious to absorb the energy of urban life.…
For freedom or greed: A Veterans Day reflection
In honor of Veterans Day, I set out to write an article about my father’s brief stint in the army. He was 20 in 1943 when the call came to serve his country during World War II. Just three years before, he left Pacentro, Italy, to join his father and other family members in Pennsylvania and Michigan. Like his fellow immigrants, he came with the hope of a better, more prosperous lifestyle than he might have had in his hometown. Fortunately for my dad, he never saw a battleground. He did his basic training at Camp Custer in Michigan and Camp Robinson in Arkansas. Due to stomach ulcers that kept him in the infirmary more than on duty, he was granted a medical discharge six months later. But not every soldier was that lucky. While doing some research about Veterans Day, I found a list of the 11 wars or…
Packing clothes, unpacking memories
Never is the brevity of life more palpable than when we are tasked with the job of packing up a loved one’s belongings. I started tackling the job last spring, about six months after Paul died. I remember thinking it would be difficult, that I might be asking for more grief. But it just felt like an everyday household chore – something that needed to be done. I began with his clothing, gathering up his t-shirts, sweaters, pajamas, shorts, jeans, casual pants, and socks. Working methodically – folding and stacking, folding and stacking – I let my mind wander. Was it too soon to remove his things from view? Would I regret this impulsive move to clear the space his clothes had filled for decades? As the stacks of clothing grew, so did a feeling of annoyance, even anger. I was focused on all the living Paul had done in those…
Women writer’s workshop leads to meeting with God
Some years ago, I attended a women writer’s workshop over a weekend in January. It was held in a rustic lodge nestled in the woods along the shores of the Grand River just north of Lansing, Michigan. It was a memorable experience, with a good mix of challenge stretching me beyond my comfort zone as a writer and encouragement from a diverse group of affirming and inspiring women. Even better was the self-directed retreat that followed. I had five days all to myself to practice writing in a cozy guest room at the front of the lodge. With only one other woman staying for the retreat, we had the whole place to ourselves. It was the perfect setting for connecting with God and nature and for fueling my creativity. An unexpected meeting One afternoon, in need of a change of scenery, I stepped out from the warmth of…